Survey for My Upcoming Flight

I am reaching out because you recently booked a ticket on my flight home. Given we will both be seated in row 12, please answer the following questions so that I may understand how heavily I should self-medicate to make this 5 hour journey somewhat bearable. 

 

1. Will you be taking your shoes off during the flight?
Yes

No (skip to question 3)

2. How would you describe the smell associated with the above activity? 

A pungent mix of sweat and sulfur

Obscene 

A cocktail of blue cheese, a touch of manure, expired milk and some bitters

3. How likely are you to have a prolonged hacking cough?

Extremely Likely

Very Likely

Neither Likely nor Unlikely

Very Unlikely

Extremely Unlikely 

4. If you answered “Extremely Likely” or “Very Likely” to the previous question,how would you typically alleviate your symptom?

By coughing with a wide open mouth with your head slightly inclined towards the person in the window seat

By using the breath between coughs to complain about the cabin’s air quality

By walking up and down the aisle equally distributing coughs to both sides

5. Which of the following snacks will you bring on board? (Choose all that apply)

Hard boiled eggs still in their shell

Tuna sandwich

Elaborately and individually wrapped crispy rice cakes

Steamed broccoli

6. True or False: If your seat’s television screen is not working you should violently shake the seat in front of you while pressing every single button.

7. You decide you want a glass of tomato juice only after the flight attendants pass with the  beverage cart. How loudly would you yell “STEWARDESS!!!”:

Enough for the economy cabin to hear

Enough for business class to wonder what was going on

As loudly as the ongoing hacking cough will permit

8. Please fill in the blank: If there is a brief period of turbulence I will _____________.

Recount to my seatmates every fatal plane accident in recent history.

Sing Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” in an increasingly loud tone.

Take the opportunity to grab both armrests and claim them for the remainder of the flight.

9. Do you wait until the seatbelt light is turned on to use the bathroom?

Yes

No

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer this survey. I’m looking forward to flying the friendly skies from the comfort of a heavily sedated state.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Blog

Clear, Healthy Skin: Nothing like a splash of cold water on your face to feel refreshed, inspired and ready to write! Nothing like a good look in the mirror with said splash of cold water to make you wonder…where did that line next to my eye come from? Don’t fret (it creates more wrinkles), spend the entire morning searching skin care routines. You’ll notice all the bloggers raving about K-Beauty. But you’re a blogger! So you better get up to speed. A couple of hours and $100 worth of products later, problem solved. 

Improved Communication:You know who would just loveyour blog? Your friend Katie. But you haven’t spoken in months and so you better write to her first. You don’t just want to come right out and force your blog on her, especially when it doesn’t have any content. So you talk about work and life and the seasons and east coast vs. west coast. And then you book a ticket out to see her. It’ll make the perfect blog post – 10 Coffee Shops to visit in DC.

Clean Room, Bathroom, Kitchen: You need a clear mind to write and you need a clear space for that. Time to clean your entire room. Bring out the Clorox wipes, the vacuum and the candles to mask the smell of the other two. But when you’re putting back your arsenal of distractionssupplies, you notice that the kitchen might need just a quick little refresh. 3 hours later and you’ve got yourself a clean room, bathroom, kitchen, and communal hallway. You really canhave it all. 

Deeper Understanding of Life: All that cleaning left you exhausted. Lay down for a bit and see what new, obscure documentary Netflix recommends. You are after all a blogger and you’ll need material to write about. So you watch about 15 minutes of every documentary and now know just enough about Vikings, veganism and sommeliers to really impress your readers. Reader, whatever. Hi Mom! 

A New Appreciation of Music: You can’t be expected to write without a little soundtrack. So you’ll scroll through every Spotify playlist ever created. Mellow Workflow? Ambient Chill? Only way to know which one works is to listen to them all!